the muse trilogy, part 2
The art of stillness and why I romanticize solitude.
In a world that praises hustle and noise, I always find myself in silence.
Ever since I was a child I’ve always enjoyed being alone, even though it was learned behavior thanks to certain situations happening to me that left me with no choice but to get used to my solitude. Mostly everything that had to do with other people and outside noise became too much, so I just learned to be with myself.
It became my safe space and while I’ve become more social as the years have gone by, I still crave my solitude and alone time.
Some people get energized by everything that’s outside of them while I am the opposite. I love to sit in my own energy and take my time with everything I want to do. It’s especially important when it comes to creating and my artistic pursuits. Sure, inspiration can come from anywhere and anyone but when it comes to working on my art? Oh, I could work in a cave all by myself for weeks on end. I crave my privacy, even within my everyday life because it’s here where I begin to exist. Unfortunately, it might seem as if who I am when I’m with other people is a completely different person than who I am when I’m by myself. That’s not what I mean at all. The truth is that not everyone needs to see and know every single part of me. Many don’t even deserve it. There are different “versions” of me that I show different people, especially depending on the situation, but all versions are still sincerely me. I am not for everyone, and I don’t want to be.
It’s a wonderful feeling coming home to my candles and their scents, books, drinks, aestethic and overall sanctuary. To cook food while blasting either 70’s, 80’s or Disney songs and singing along to them until my throat hurts while wearing my oversized and washed-out Friends t-shirt and probably disturbing my neighbours. Your home is the only place in the entire world that is 100% yours. It’s YOUR safe space, the one area in the world where you can be shamelessly you and I take that shit very seriously.
I’m often met with a raised eyebrow whenever I mention my love for my solitude. It’s as if the concept of enjoying your own company is this alien and foreign almost illegal thing to do according to some. Which is fine since I don’t understand always wanting to be with people, always having someone with or around you like can a woman breath? PLEASE!?
I guess one must have a level of honesty, independence and self-awareness within themselves to enjoy being in their own company. Too much noise and impression from everything outside of you just drowns your mind to the point where you barely know where your own thoughts begin and someone else’s ends. Personal opinions get mixed up with others’ opinions and now you’re walking around the world being confused for free. Absolutely not!
Being alone does not mean that I am lonely. Instead, I feel so fulfilled within myself because I’m refueling myself and able to share some of my energy with others. Filling my own cup first type of thing. It is here where my power returns to me and where I, the muse, is born.
The mad scientist within reveals herself. I turn into a creator mixed with a big splash of the good witch. The mysterious figure by the window. The enigma, the mystic and the sage awakens with such an erotic flair in the air that’s highly seductive and irresistible to me. We crave each other and she nourishes and grounds me like no other. How can I reject her?
It’s a superpower that builds raw and genuine confidence.
To have company is appreciated and fun, but there is no need to always have someone by my side for everything. Imagine thinking that I can’t eat at my favourite ramen restaurant or visit the coffee shop I love so much because there is no one to accompany me. Or that I can’t cook and enjoy a delicious fucking dinner because I’d have to eat it alone. What? Be hungry all you want, I sure as hell won’t.
