the muse trilogy, part 3

Creating in the dark and the sacred power of private art.

How is it possible to talk about myself without mentioning that artistic creativity has always been a big part of my life but that it’s also a part of me that I’ve kept hidden from others.. for the most part. Which is funny because I do have this blog. But it’s not out of fear of judgement, instead it’s my own sacred hobby.

My favourite creative pursuit is writing, without a damn doubt.
Expressing myself through words have always been my favoured tool. Words do come easy to me, sometimes even easier than speaking. There’s a no-interruption to it that I love, a certain once it’s written and sent, it’s too late. Just.. pure magic. It comes naturally to me, just like breathing, whether I write just one sentence or a whole page.

I write about anything and whatever comes to my mind, and I have the notebooks to prove it. The realization of my love for writing and eventually understanding that being a writer of any sort is my calling, came when I noticed that I would always buy notebooks. If not once a week, at least once every other week. The thought of filling the empty pages with words of thoughts, pain, happiness, stories and novels, questions and reflections, a paragraph of nothing and a sentence of everything always made me feel super euphoric. The same realization also came when I noticed that constantly having a notepad and my pen(s) on my bedside table was a part of my nighttime routine since ideas of various things I wanted to write about always came to me during the evening. Because what was the meaning of always having something to say, or share? Why this urge for written words? I couldn’t deny that there was something there, that this is my chosen path. I’m trying to chill with this behaviour but it’s not always easy. It was way easier to quit smoking.

Another creative pursuit is photography and it’s been one of my biggest loves in life since forever! Along with writing of course. I have no idea how or even when this interest formed. It’s one of those mysteries, like trying to figure out when the Universe was created. It’s just always been there. Photography is such a versatile artform where if you manage to be at the right place at the right time, you’ve managed to capture history. It is proof of your memories, experiences and even your life. Photography as an artform is also clear and undeniable when you look at fashion photography from the 1940’s and 1950’s and especially the photography of the supermodel era of the late 1980’s and the 1990’s. Steven Meisel, Herb Ritts, Helmut Newton, Irving Penn, Peter Lindbergh, Arthur Elgort, Ellen von Unwerth, David LaChappelle, Richard Avedon to name a few and who can forget the iconic Versace ads of the 90’s?

Why do I create?

I create because I must.
This is when I turn into an alchemist. The thought of creating something out of nothing is but purely erotic. It’s a major part of and a way to romanticizing my life.

The world sees the art while I live the process and my creations are like offerings to myself first before I share them with the world. Like a ritual, and my workspace is my sanctuary. Rather than using creation as an escape from life, it’s instead a way for me to come back home and because of that, there’s a lot of pictures, texts and projects that I don’t share with anyone. I create a lot for myself and my own viewing as my personal little secrets.

I create because I am alive and I share it because I am ready.
But I do create in the dark first, where all beautiful things bloom.