Before I knew what to call it

Just as a poem has different meanings to different people, so is the act of living like a poem.

About three years ago, I stumbled across an online test about female archetypes. Never heard that term before, I was intrigued and took the test. After plenty of damn minutes, I finished the it and got the result of being The Enigma since my dominant archetype was The Mystic at 84,76%. On the second place was The Sage with 78,1%. As I was looking at my results, it all unquestionably made sense to me. It was never knew to me, but I also never knew that there was a term or name for it.

The Enigma is mysterious, hard to read and oftentimes misunderstood. She owns her shadow, values her privacy, embraces her dark femininity and is aware of her sensuality. She’s also comfortable in her own mystery, recognizes and feels her own magic and isn’t afraid to set boundaries.

She treats every daily moment as something precious instead of just living her life on autopilot and lives a life with intention.

Every explanation perfectly describing my life experience and experiences. Misunderstood? Yes. Hard to read? Yes again. Annoying foreign curiosity about oneself, one’s personality and behavior as a child and teenager? Oh.. yes. Do I value my privacy and is it a top priority? Absofuckinglutely. I always understood my depth and that I was different while others didn’t. These parts of my personality made me perceived as difficult by others and more susceptible to being mistreated by kids and teenagers and, weirdly enough, by people older than me. Either I was too mature for my age or they had the same mind and mental capacity of a child because that was always, and still is, weird to me.

I moved through the world being selective, quieter than most and extremely observant which made me, as stated before, perceived in a certain way. It was common for me to be misunderstood and to have this constant feeling of feeling lonely. The odd one. The girl that wasn’t like the other kids her age. Thanks to these experiences, I always retreated into myself and learned to find peace and solace within from a very young age. From then on, barely ten years old, I learned to be my own best friend and I’ve lived like this ever since. Although a natural choice, it also happened because I had no choice.

I didn’t understand it then since I just lived that way. And the older I got, the more I realized and happily accepted that this is my identity. This type of understanding liberated something within me that made lean into myself even more than before and cemented my autonomy in life.

To live like a poem is, to me, to bring my vision to life of how I want to live. But with that comes a level of honesty and curiosity about me and a deep knowing of myself. I have no problem with shadow work and I know that it hates to see me coming. It’s the ‘why’, the ‘how’ and the for ‘who’.
And the ‘who’ will forever be me and honoring myself fills me with the same nostalgic feelings of the early mornings from the weekends and summer vacations in the 90’s and 00’s.